Today marks a big day, for growth, experience, for passion. I'm excited to share an update on my move!
Yesterday, I got the news that I have been accepted into a program in London with an internship. It is a master's program for project management but it offers an internship to help gain support and valuable experience. I also got accepted into a Ph.D. program in Healthcare Leadership in Switzerland, which also could possibly have classes in Paris. I am currently working with another school in Berlin to get accepted (i have to submit a medical note, it's very weird. I'll tell you about it later). Upon all of that excitement, I knew what my next step was.
I knew that I needed to go and put in my notice, plan a vacation and see my family, and pack up my house in order to move. I have to find a place to live and of course, I have to choose a program. What should have been overwhelming excitement quickly turned into visibly shaking anxiety. I am not good with putting in my notice and explaining. It is challenging for me because I always build a strong connection with the group that I'm working with. I don't want to leave, but I want to leave (does that make sense?)
At the very end of my day, my supervisor's boss reached out to me stating that he wanted to follow up with me regarding something. I immediately thought that I was doing something wrong or did something wrong. I was anxious about putting in my notice and anxious about what he wanted to speak with me about. The anxiety just kept getting piled on. I could hardly eat, I couldn't sleep. I was up all last night tossing and turning, recounting everything I've ever done wrong in the last 26 years of my life that they could have found out.
So first thing this morning, I spilled the beans to my supervisor, who took it very well and was very supportive. Immediately the nerves went down. They were still there, don't get me wrong, but it was much better. But I still was worried about my meeting with my bosses boss. The good thing about whatever was going to be said in this meeting was that if it didnt go well, I was just going to quit. Easy peasy. He was so sweet. He just wanted to follow up on a position I applied for and gave me some opportunities. I just spelled it out to him and he said “Oh, then you can ignore everything I said”. Heartwrenching.
Now I'm sitting at my desk at work writing this, in the dark. Because no one else is coming to check in, no one in my clinic is here, it's dark and gloomy outside. But I'm not feeling anxious anymore. I am feeling overwhelmed with what I have to do now. I'm hoping that the joy of moving, something I've been working towards for a year, is going to hit me sometime. Maybe I'm in shock that it's happening. Maybe I don't trust myself that ill actually does it. Maybe I'm worried that something is going to fall through and I'm not going to make it there. Maybe though I have these offers, I don't believe that I'm still going to continue my education.
I don't know what's happening but I'm excited and hopeful for the future. This weekend, ill be making a game plan on what I'm going to be doing, where I'm going to be going and traveling, when all of that is going to happen, financially plan, and still be prepared to continue to make content and work full time. But for now, tonight, I'm going to enjoy it here. Watching the snowfall out of my window, with the beautiful greenery of the planet and memories of my work.
That is my very short update on my life and what I am doing.
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