I spent the majority of the day judging myself. Over the last few days, I have been feeling, let's say, not great about myself. I have become stressed with some of my clothes not fitting and not being able to afford new clothing. So I divided that I was going to purchase a gym membership. I bought one when I first moved to this state, in hopes that I would carry out this new passion project entitled “Taking Control of My Life”.
But all good things must come to an end (direct quote from Bojack Horsman). And so did my sometimes useful Gym membership. I used it pretty often until I went like 1 time in 2 months and felt like it wasnt worth it anymore. But I didnt feel like it was a bad gym or anything. Life just changed where I didnt have that flexibility anymore during that time in my life. I was working so much that I just didnt have time and I couldn't take care of myself correctly.
But that's the beauty of this challenge. It's teaching me a lot about myself and helping me figure out some of my triggers and some of my passions. It helps me love myself and challenge myself to take better care of myself. It helped me grow, even in this short amount of time.
Anyways, I bought (renewed?) my membership and I was honestly so excited to go after work. I planned to finish work, change into my workout stuff in the bathroom and then head on over to the gym. I was going to work out for 45 minutes then I was going to go and get air in my tires. After all of that, I was going to go back to work, get my COVID booster, grab some food, and go to bible study. Did I do this? No.
I finished up work, changed in the bathroom, and headed to the gym. It was a rough go at it to drive to this new location. It was just in a really small tight neighborhood and I had to do like 2 turns in order to get to the location because it was on all the opposite sides I was thinking it was. It was stressful getting in there for sure. But I was excited to go. I got in there and I forgot how many different options there were. I did just go straight to weight lifting, which I already know I don't like to do. I like to do a little cardio first, like 10 - 15 then lift some weights, and then cool down with some cardio.
I saw this challenge on TikTok where you walk as long as you can on the stair master and then every day you try to beat that. I knew that was something that I wanted to do but I actually came in with zero plan or knowing what I wanted to do. So I did a bunch of random stuff. I did some arm presses then some back something and lastly, I did something with the chest… maybe? I'm not sure. I just remember that I ended with the elliptical and I started cramping after 5 minutes so I left.
It was fun and I like working out sometimes when I have the mindset to do it. But by the time that I left, the tire place closed and I was so hungry. My stomach was eating itself. So I just went home to freshen up before bible study. I stopped by Mcdonald's to stuff my face with the calories that I burned off at the gym. When I got home, I laid in med to eat and I just never made it out until 8 pm when I decided that now was the perfect time for a shower.
I will work on it, okay? It'll get better and I'll get stronger. I think my goal is just to get there and to spend time there to increase my usage and make sure I'm being smart and conscious about my decisions. I want to get healthier. I don't care about weight or size or how much I can lift. I just want to start making smarter choices and feel better about myself.
This is something that I didnt expect when I first started this challenge but boy oh boy am I happy that I did. There's something about working out that I hate doing. I hate the start-up. I hate feeling so sick of myself when I look in the mirror that I have to force myself to go to the gym. I hate that first step on the treadmill, that first lift of the weights. But then I instantly get attached to it. I like it. I enjoy it. I find comfort in it. Then I get bored with my routine and I stop going. Then I am back to where I started.
I hope that I can learn from this.
Comments