The big thing to note about today is that I finished my thesis proposal and I submitted it! After 3 rejections on formatting and wrong templates for this school, I finally submitted the necessary information that kept getting updated. So now, I can focus on other things, such as writing a brand new thesis proposal.
Let me explain:
When I was getting my bachelor's, a lot of the research that I did for little projects or whatever was related to AI technology, healthcare, or AI technology in healthcare. For the 3 years I was there, that's basically all I ever studied or researched. I'm confident that my professors were annoyed that I could pretty much relate any topic back to those 3 things.
When I was getting my master's, I just decided to expand my research into more topics of AI technology in healthcare. I researched many different things that could help me and I honestly used a lot of information I already had when I was getting my bachelor's, so it was a little easier to work on longer research papers since I already had a basic understanding and a bunch of solid research anyways.
When I signed up for my Master's, I knew that I was going to go all the way and get my doctorate. That was the reason I got my master's. If I was going to do all this work for my master's, why not just push through and get my doctorate? So I thought when I was applying for my doctorate, I would just continue to study the same topic I had for years. I refined my search a little bit to make sure that it still applied to me, going from usual AI technology in the healthcare system to utilizing AI technology in healthcare operations in order to study the benefits of high management using the technology to make better conscious decisions to support staff and patient information.
However, after submitting my thesis proposal 3 times, each time tweaking it a little more, I realized that I have no more interest in this topic. But I have so much knowledge! It would be a waste if I don't use the stuff that I worked so hard on, right? RIGHT?! Well, I have no interest in this topic anymore. I got through it and I submitted it but I don't think I can take another year talking about this topic, let alone another 5 years.
So, even though I submitted it, I'm going to reapply to the same programs I did with the previous topic, but with a new topic. It's a little scary because I never really had an interest in this new topic before until maybe a week or two ago. But I'm on a deadline. So I'm writing the proposal first to see if it is strong enough to research and if this is something I'm interested in. If I can complete this high-demand proposal, then ill reapply to other schools. But I have about a week and a half to do that so I'm a little stressed.
I don't want to spend my entire day, weekend, or night on this but I don't show many options if I want to move to Europe. So I'm stressed, but I'm hoping that I can balance my hobbies and interests while doing this. (I.e. continue to blog and write, continue to go to new places, and try new things) while also still working on this project.
It also doesn't help that I am also stressed about going to Oklahoma at the end of the month. I know. I know. My plan was to quit and not come back to work so that I wouldn't have to drive all the way there and back within a 3 day period, but now that I haven't quite yet and I have no movement on my move, I can't decide if I'm going to go. And guess what triggers my depressive episodes?
You guessed it! An exuberant amount of stress. So I'm trying to keep my stress levels down to a minimum and balance out my life in order to get things done without suppressing a depressive episode. Because if that happens, I'll get nothing done.
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